Wednesday, September 23, 2015

The Author's Luminous Dreams

So living with an author is weird. Half the time you are wondering why they are looking at you like that. I mean, let's not kid ourselves, when an author's brain works part of you into a story, it shows in their eyes. The other half of the time, you are baffled at their utter hate for pants. Why can you not write in your pants? Nobody knows, but guys, someone should write their thesis on it, their pant-less thesis.

If you are of the word-ful persuasion yourself, you'd think it ain't so bad, but then, one day, said fellow writer will have a book out; their behavior will get weirder.

I don't live with another author in the traditional sense, Alexa Piper happens to be my alter ego. This is probably worse. Or better, cuz we are never alone (insert weird grin here), but that really depends on where you stand in regards to...loneliness.

The other day (yesterday, I am being euphemistic), Ms. Piper had a book come out. It is a pretty book and all. It's called Luminous Dreams. It's paranormal romance, which means a lot of baseball metaphors happen in there. Additionally, it's a nice piece of writing.

Ms. Piper has been doing strange things since that day (I'm being even more euphemistic. It's only been strange around here since yesterday.) She has been staring at the computer a lot. I think she's been looking at the cover, or at the book listing on Goodreads or Amazon, or she's been re-reading the entire thing; potentially, she has been doing all of the above, the empty coffee mugs everywhere would certainly seem to indicate as much.

Well, I suppose there is really nothing wrong with any of that. I might act a lot like Ms. Piper did, that day (yeah, you guessed it. Euphemize me.)

However, when you have a muse, things are not always so simple.

Oh, and I am not talking about the muse from Luminous Dreams, that muse is tame compared to Ms. Piper's muse.

I am talking about Valerian (he appears here) who is not a muse at all, come to think of it. He is a taotien who is potentially pissed off by Ms. Piper's insistence to not write exclusively about him. Oh, he is also fictional. Or so I am told. Yeah, he's totally not real, no reason to worry at all, it's not like he might pop up anytime soon in a dark alley near you. Totally not gonna happen.

Anyways, as I was saying, Valerian is pissed, and Ms. Piper... I dunno. She seems not to care very much right now. I think she's looking at Amazon again.

Personally, I don't know how any of this is gonna end. There are no more clean coffee mugs to drink coffee out of; there is an angry taotien stalking the alley outside; also, Ms. Piper insists on keeping the lights on so she can continue to look at the cover of Luminous Dreams, and now no one can get any sleep.

Basically, if you consider moving in with a writer, I recommend you get a cat instead.


  1. I've met Valerian in the pages of Demons, Imps and Incubi. He isn't to be taken lightly. I wish you luck.

    1. You are so very right. I think I smelled cigarette smoke in the hallway when I came home today. I suppose he's watching. And Ms. Piper ignores it and talks about how Gretel, a witch acquaintance of hers who roams free in Luminous Dreams, inspires her... I do feel uneasy.

  2. Now that I've read Luminous Dreams and met Gretel for myself, I can understand why Ms. Piper is enamored of her. I was impressed by Aurora too. However, I still think charming Valerian is the one to look out for.

    1. Yes! That's what I keep saying, but Ms. Piper is so ignorant of the honey eyed bastard, I have to admire her nerve! I find him totally unsettling. Then again, Gretel on her own is an adventure, but she and her brother are formidable together. I will tell Ms. Piper about Aurora. She seems a bit like The Hermit, that one, but I can't be certain...